


Halloween in Lion's Arch

by TempoPrestissimo



Category: Guild Wars 2 (Video Game)
Genre: M/M, Yup you read that right, candy corn blowjobs, pure unadulterated crackfic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-11-27
Updated: 2017-11-27
Packaged: 2019-02-07 12:34:23
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,662
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12841284
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TempoPrestissimo/pseuds/TempoPrestissimo
Summary: An unwitting sylvari ends up in the court of our favourite mad king. Shenanigans ensue.





	Halloween in Lion's Arch

**Author's Note:**

> This was written for a friend who has a soft spot for Mad King Thorn. Their OC, Reeid, is a Nightmare Courtier still in the midst of their brainwashing . He's cute, but a little naive. You'll see.

Halloween in Lion's Arch was otherworldly.

Reeid had sort of ended up there accidentally. He was in Rata Sum, doing something with the inquisition and he fell through one of their portals. It spat him out here, which wasn't so bad. Although he had never been to Lion's Arch he found that it was immediately recognizable and he felt disoriented but not truly lost. And while the halloween decorations were a little unsettling (they certainly didn't have halloween back in the grove!) they were also very interesting to see. Everything was so brightly coloured! There were all kinds of decorations and people were talking and laughing.

It made him a little nervous but he was excited. He didn't fear getting back to Rata Sum. He knew there were asura portals in Lion's Arch somewhere, he just had to find them.  
Surely it couldn't hurt for him to wander around a little and look at all the pretty decorations. Someone had worked really hard on them! Besides, he had to find his way to the portals anyways. Maybe someone could help him?

Truth be told, he was a little shy to ask for help from most of these people. Reeid wasn't very big, even for a Sylvari, and partying humans (and norn, and charr, and oh, goodness, there were a lot of people in Lion's Arch weren't there?) were a little intimidating.

So when he found some kids playing around, he thought that maybe they were the safer choice.

  
“Excuse me there. I'm a little lost. Do you think you could help me?” He asked them.

  
“Whattaya want?” One of the kids asked.

  
They looked a little rough. They were loud and a little dirty, but Reeid had thought that most children were. The fact that they were running about unaccompanied did not set off any alarm bells for him.

“I need to get to the asura portals, please. Could you tell me the way there?” He inquired politely. Even the training of the nightmare court couldn't beat it out of him, it seemed. He had other hallmarks of their tendencies, but not here.

“Hey! I have an idea!” One of them nearly shouted it and Reeid almost jumped backwards. He watched in surprise as the kids gathered themselves together and talked in low, excited voices. He could overhear some of it, sure, but it was quite plain they were having a private conversation. He tried not to eavesdrop.

“Okay! We decided.” One of them announced, which was his cue to start paying attention again. “If you can steal some of the Mad King's candy for us, we'll tell you how to get to the portals.”

“Steal?” Reeid asked. Surely he had done worse by now but it just seemed so abrupt. He didn't even know who the Mad King was!

  
Recognizing his naivety in a move that would have made many adults jealous, the kid kept talking. “Yeah, it's a halloween tradition. You're not from around here, right? So we want to you have fun with us. Then we'll tell you how to get there!”

  
Oh. Well. That made at least a little more sense. “Alright then.” Reeid smiled. “Sure, I will try it. Where is this candy?”

It sounded like it could be fun, and the kids were laughing. It would have been rude to say no, wouldn't it? He was a little nervous, but mostly excited. He got to try something new!   
The kids told him what was going to happen. Eventually, some riders would come and they would herald the arrival of Mad King Thorn. All he had to do was wait, and then when the king showed up and 'caused mischief' as the kids said, Reeid would sneak around and steal some of his candy. Then he would give it to the kids, and they'd give him his directions.

They told him not to get caught, or he'd ruin all the fun. He knew he could be sneaky. He had been getting better. How exciting!

So he waited. Exactly as they had said, frightening heralds announced the arrival of the mad king, and then things somehow managed to get even crazier. There were monsters running around (well, they were sort of monsters. They seemed be skeletons, and candy minions, and there were some spiders) and he wasn't sure if people were terrified or happy at all the chaos that was suddenly happening. The reactions seemed enthusiastic, but Reeid was a little overwhelmed by the lot of it.

He quietly snuck through the shenanigans, looking for the tell-tale bag of candy that he was supposed to be stealing. He eventually found it and everyone was too well-occupied with the craziness to even notice him. 

  
No sooner had he wrapped his hand around the twine that tied the bag than did a booming laugh ring out. He froze to the spot, looking around hurriedly. It had been loud enough to rattle his bones and suddenly things seemed much quieter.

“A thief! Trying to rob your dear king!” Oh.  _Heck._

He was caught. A lot of the people around were too busy dealing with his minions to pay much attention to Reeid's plight and Reeid turned, shamefaced, to see the gigantic flaming pumpkin head that spoke to him.

  
Mad King Thorn was a little unsettling looking, wasn't he? Reeid was suddenly a lot more afraid than he was moments ago.

“I- I-...” He stammered, but was unable to come up with anything substantial.

“Today is your lucky day, rascal. I am feeling generous!” Reeid thought that this man was lying to him. He did not feel very lucky. He was not enjoying being spoken to by the fiendish ghost and he couldn't believe he had been caught. He was being so careful!

“I think I've found a fitting punishment for you.” The specter's voice was theatrical and booming. “You might even enjoy yourself!”

  
Reeid's stomach dropped. He had no idea what was being implied, or what a halloween ghost could do to him besides kill him, but he'd heard that phrase before in the court. He knew what it meant there, and the short answer was  _nothing good._

The bag was yanked from his hand. In truth, he had already let go it and merely forgotten to pull his hand away. The mad king undid the tie with a flourish and reached his hand inside. Reeid thought he might pull out something dangerous, or at least something poisonous.

But it was a giant piece of candy corn.

That was... unexpected.

“A treat for your little trick!” The king crowed.   
  
This was downright bizarre.

Feeling a little downtrodden and confused, Reeid followed where he was beckoned and watched as the flaming king sat himself upon a unusually constructed throne. It looked to be made entirely of candy. At this point, Reeid wasn't surprised. However he did briefly consider whether or not a candy throne would be very comfortable.

The king sank down with a dramatic sigh, his legs splayed out in front of him. Well, at least he  _looked_  comfortable.   
  
“Oh, don't you run away, now, you rascal.” Thorn commanded. Not as though Reeid would. He didn't know where to run. That was a significant part of the problem in the first place.

“Come and worship before me! Have some candy!” And Reeid was confused how the two were related. On shaky legs he made himself walk forward until he was at the mad king's feet. He seemed to tower above him. Perhaps it was because Reeid was small, or maybe it was his ghostly presence. Either way, the effect was astonishing.  
  
The huge piece of candycorn sat in the king's lap. Reeid blinked at the whole scene, uncomprehending. He had no idea what was being asked of him.  
  
“Come on now, wilting violet. Feast! And, as your king commands-” He paused an leaned forward on his throne, one flaming eye dropping in to an exaggerated wink, “- watch the teeth.”

Reeid cautiously approached the throne. He wondered if he was not being misled. Perhaps he could be burned to death any moment, or bloodily dismembered. But nothing happened. The mad king held the gigantic candy where it was, and it would have been awkward to bend down for it. With a frown of thought, Reeid got got to his knees.

Eat candy or die? That was a new one. And no teeth, he had said. Okay then. This wasn't the worst thing that Reeid had been made to endure. And, taking a lick of the candy, he found it to be rather plain, but sweet and with sort of a waxy texture. It really wasn't all that bad.

His knees sort of hurt from the hard ground, but the taste was fairly pleasant. And the the king seemed rather pleased with his work. Reeid wasn't sure why, but he earned himself many a token of approval. Mad King Thorn was by no means a quiet man, and his words of encouragement were boastful and almost uncomfortably jovial.

Reeid kept going. He licked at the candy until his lips were sticky and his jaw hurt. The positive attention was what kept him going. Sometimes he would earn a chuckle, or the king would tell him that he was doing a good job.  
  
And then, rather suddenly, the candy corn piece gave a loud  _pop!_ And confetti burst from the point of it.  
  
Reeid stopped his work, looking up in a sort of dazed confusion.

“I think I've been amused enough. Run along now, my loyal subject! Before I hunger for another trick!” The king stood, nearly bowling him over and Reeid stumbled backwards to get out of the way.  
  
He didn't need to be told twice. Feeling more confused than ever (and perhaps a small amount both shamed and disheartened), Reeid cleared the area until he could barely hear the mad king's laughter behind him.  
  
How was he going to get home now?

 


End file.
